Seiya's Memories
by Lelu
Summary: Months after the Starlights have left, Usagi is still having trouble coping with her feelings for Seiya, and Mamoru unknowingly stumbles upon clues that will lead him to believe that Usagi might not love him as much as he thought. (Part 1 of 2)


8/4/02  
  
Seiya's Memories By: Lelu  
  
-'Am I not good enough?'-  
  
"Coming!" Tsukino Usagi called out when the doorbell ring, hurdling down the last few stairs as she twisted her hair around its bun one last time. Racing past the empty rooms, she at last reached the door and flung it open, smiling brightly as she shoved the last bobby pin in. "Mamo-chan!"  
  
Chiba Mamoru, dressed to thrill as always, stood at the Tsukino's front door, a dozen beautiful red roses in his hand with a beautiful grin to match. "Usa-ko, I heard you running," he teased gently, his hand brushing back a wayward curl from Usagi's beaming face. "I'm glad you didn't fall."  
  
"Mamo-chan, don't be so mean!" Usagi reached her hand up to take Mamoru's own to pull him inside the house. "Mama, Papa, and Shingo aren't home today," she explained as she shut the door and locked it. "They decided to go visit-"  
  
A warm mouth pressed gently to hers instantly made her forget the rest of her words. Slowly, Usagi wound her arms around Mamoru's neck as he tugged her to him, trapping her between the door and himself, all the while continuing with the kiss. "That's great, Usa-ko," he whispered as he pulled back, his forehead resting lightly on Usagi's. "It's been a while since we've had some time together, don't you think?"  
  
"That's true," Usagi agreed, blushing and not quite meeting Mamoru's deepening blue eyes. "Ever since the Starlights went back to their planet three months ago, it seems like the senshi have nothing else to do but hang out with us while we attempt to go on dates." Usagi's eyes suddenly clouded. "Starlights." she murmured under her breath. "I miss them, too. Especially." Then she shook her head, as if clearing her mind from a daydream. At Mamoru's puzzled look, she smiled sadly and pulled away from him. "It's nothing, don't worry. You know what, Mamo-chan?" she continued softly, not quite meeting his searching gaze. "Why don't you go upstairs and see Michiru's new painting? It's in my room. I'll put these roses in a vase and be upstairs in a few minutes."  
  
Mamoru narrowed his eyes at Usagi for a moment before conceding. "All right, Usa-ko," he agreed, turning to climb the stairs. "A few minutes, okay? If you're not up there by.five minutes, I'm coming down to get you." He gave her a playful look. "And believe me, you won't like the method I use to get you up there."  
  
Usagi took a step back and giggled. "Still making empty threats, Mamo- chan?" When he started for her, she squealed and ran into the kitchen, blond strands dancing in the light. "I'll be there in a few minutes, I promise!" she yelled over her shoulder, and a moment later, Mamoru heard cabinet doors opening and slammed shut as Usagi searched for a vase.  
  
Laughing, Mamoru walked up the stairs and into Usagi's room, dazzled blind, as always, by the shocking amounts of pink that was splashed across the walls, bedspreads, and carpeting. Michiru's painting was on the floor, propped up against the wall. Stepping towards it, Mamoru kneeled on the ground to take a better look. The painting was, as usual, fantastically and colorfully drawn, blues of all colors blending with a lightly tinted green in the background, swirling into the center of the picture where a sudden splash of gold appeared. Mamoru reached out and, with his finger, traced a delicate curve of the painting. 'Amazing,' he thought as his finger mapped out the brushstroke. 'Michiru is so talented.' Standing up, Mamoru glanced around the room before sitting down on Usagi's bed, eyes closed in thought.  
  
-'Don't feel bad that I'm in a one-sided love.'-  
  
'Everything has been so peaceful lately.as though the entire world is back to normal. There haven't been any threats to this world at all. It's almost odd, really.' Sighing, Mamoru leaned back on the headboard of the bed, rubbing his temples. 'But while the world continues, and even though it's been so nice and the girls are so happy, Usa-ko hasn't been acting normally at all. And she won't tell me what's wrong.' Ink-blue eyes flew open. 'But the senshi mentioned something to me.about that boy.' An unbidden flashback of the dark-haired, blue-eyed idol flew into Mamoru's mind. 'Is he the reason why?' Immediately, Mamoru felt a sharp pain in his chest. 'No, it can't be,' he rationalized. 'Usa-ko loves you too much, she wouldn't.she couldn't.'  
  
But it couldn't be denied. Not while he was in the room where his lover's scent surrounded his body came at him from everywhere. The thoughts he had not wanted to come across suddenly could not be pushed out or away.  
  
'I just want to know if she, perhaps.'  
  
Blessedly, his cell phone went off, saving him from being trapped within his own mind. Letting out a deep breath, Mamoru reached into his pocket and pulled out the sleek, black phone, flipping it open. "Hello?"  
  
The voice was feminine and monotonous. "Hello, this is Dr. Masanori's office. We would just like to remind Chiba Mamoru that he has a check-up appointment tomorrow, set at 4:15pm."  
  
"Tomorrow, 4:15?" Mamoru repeated, tilting his head.  
  
"Yes, that's correct."  
  
"All right, thank you."  
  
He hung up the phone and put it back into his pocket. 'I need to write this down, otherwise, I'll forget.' Searching his other pocket for a pen, he pulled one out, but did not have any paper. He walked out of the room and stood at the edge of the staircase and called out Usagi's name.  
  
"Yes, Mamo-chan?" Usagi's voice came from the kitchen.  
  
"Usa-ko, do you have any paper in your room?"  
  
"Yes, just check the top right drawer of my desk-there should be a stack of paper in it. I'll be up in a minute, I just need to finish filling up the vase with water."  
  
Mamoru walked back into the room and headed to the desk. At first, he stood in the same spot, shocked by the large amount of trash that littered the top of the desk. 'Jeez, Usa-ko, don't you ever clean?' Smiling a little, Mamoru opened the top right drawer-but there was no paper. Closing it, he kneeled as he opened the drawer beneath it.  
  
And immediately froze, transfixed by the contents of the drawer.  
  
Letters. Hundreds of letters that were all addressed to the same person and place:  
  
'Mamoru Chiba. USA'  
  
Usagi's flowery handwriting graced all of these envelopes, each envelope heavy with an unsent letter inside. And somewhere in his standstill mind, he noticed another object in the drawer that was partially hidden by the hundreds of letters.  
  
It was a box.  
  
Mamoru's mind was swirling. Here, in front of him, was the proof that he had needed just minutes before of Usagi's love. She had written to him while she'd thought that he was in America. And judging by the amount of letters, she had written a letter every single day since he'd left and then some. He felt like his heart was about to burst with happiness. He felt secure.  
  
-'I'll carry you off right after the concert.'-  
  
With slightly shaking hands, he pulled out the tiny box and dusted it off. 'I wonder what's in here.' Locks of dark black hair fell into his eyes as he opened the box. His eyebrows quickly drew together at what he saw inside. And his heart, once his eyes registered one specific object, felt as though it had been pierced again.  
  
There was really nothing that spectacular in the box that had caught Mamoru's eye. A pink bear brooch, a tiny towel, a dried rose, a baseball, and an amusement park ticket stub. If he hadn't of known any better, he would have guessed that the objects were little souvenirs that Usagi had bought while out with the senshi on one of their many trips. But the last item gave it all away.  
  
It was the Starlight's cassette. That damned black-haired, blue-eyed idol was in the center of the group. And he had signed the cover of the cassette, "To: Usagi, my Odango. Love: Seiya."  
  
Usagi walked up the stairs, the large vase cuddled protectively to her chest to prevent the water from splashing over and onto the carpet. She smiled to herself, eyes shining at the thought of having Mamoru in her life again. 'I'm so happy,' she thought, biting her bottom lip. 'I never thought that we could all just.just be like this.' Her eyes suddenly flew open as a tear slipped down her cheek. 'But I miss.Seiya.No, I won't think of him. I have Mamoru. He's all I need.' Shaking her head, she turned and stopped just outside of her door and immediately saw Mamoru bending over something, not moving. "Mamo-chan?" she ventured, confused.  
  
Mamoru looked up when her heard Usagi's voice timidly calling to him and the box in his hand came into view as he turned and stood; he looked angry, sad, and incredibly betrayed.  
  
The vase dropped from Usagi's hands and crashed to the floor and the sound of shattering glass resonated throughout the silent house. Silent tears immediately began to stream down Usagi's face as her eyes remained fixed on the box that contained her memories of Seiya. "No." she whispered, hands clasped together at her chest tightly, not aware that Mamoru was watching her every move with a tight expression. "No.!" She raised dark, accusing eyes at Mamoru who steadily stared back at her. "What."  
  
"I think I'd better leave," he said softly, bitterly, tearing his gaze away from her suddenly pale face. "I'll call you later, Usa-ko." He tossed the box onto the bed, and the contents flew out and landed on the sheets- neither paid any heed to the mess. Then he quickly strode across the room, brushing past Usagi's arm roughly, and was almost out the door when he heard her whisper.  
  
"Wait.Mamo-chan."  
  
He could hear the tears in her voice, but he refused to stop walking. He couldn't deal with this right now, especially since.'Especially since this is something you've been dreading from the start,' he finished resentfully. And as he took the next step to walk completely past her, he realized he couldn't move at all. "Usa-ko."  
  
She had turned and grabbed his hand as he'd walked by her, tugging on his hand so he was forced to look at her. Her luminous blue eyes sparkling with tears that seemed like a million sparkling diamonds. One look into those eyes and he knew that she felt exactly the same way he had when he'd seen all that the box contained. Those eyes would never lie to him.  
  
She was heartbroken.  
  
"Mamo-chan, don't leave me." Her voice was so faint that he had to stop breathing in order to hear her. "I waited so long to see you again, so we could be alone. I don't want to end up alone, instead." The grip on his hand tightened. "Please, Mamo-chan."  
  
-'I wanted to tell you my feelings because Seiya's time is short.'-  
  
He couldn't ignore the pleading in her eyes. Closing his eyes and sighing, Mamoru fought a war against his own raging feelings, and the result was something he already knew--he couldn't deny her anything. Even if it meant sacrificing himself. "Alright, Usa-ko," he told her, pinpointing her with a look. "I'll stay."  
  
Usagi thought her entire body would burst in relief. "Thank you, Mamo- chan," she replied simply, letting go of his hand, her body screaming at the lack of his warmth. "I.I think that.that.Seiya," Mamoru flinched at _that_ name, "is something-someone-that we need to talk about." Usagi's hands shook nervously at the thought of speaking of the one man she hadn't wanted to remember-in _that_ way. "It's.important," she finished dully.  
  
A large hand covered her trembling ones. Stunned, Usagi looked up into Mamoru's storming eyes as he led them into the room, sitting on the bed and pulling her down to sit next to him. She watched, still silent, as he gathered up the objects that he had tossed carelessly onto the bed and set them in the box. And she watched as he reached into the drawer and pulled out those damning letters she had written to him. He set those, too, on the bed, next to the open box. Then, he grabbed a box of tissues off of her desk and placed them near Usagi's legs. Drawing in a deep breath, Mamoru steadied himself and looked at Usagi's still ashen face. "Well, Usa-ko?" he questioned in a not-so-steady voice. "Go ahead." 


End file.
